I broke my crock pot today. This was probably the first time I've used a crock pot in a few years. But two things converged to convince me that it was a crock pot kind of day. First, our heat from the past few days is gone and we have returned to normal San Francisco summer weather, cold and grey. And second I had all these canned beans in my cabinet that I wanted to use. So I decided to make a pot of chili. (I just had it for dinner and it wasn't that great. But the house smells good.) Anyway so I was getting salt down out of the cabinet from above the crock pot and a jar of jelly fell out of the cabinet and landed on the lid of the crock pot. And of course it was the lid that broke and not the jar of jelly. I don't eat jelly so I would not have minded the jelly breaking. It would have been a mess to clean up but it wouldn't have cost me anything. (The jelly was a gift from a parisioner.) But now I have to either try and find a lid to the crock pot, which is probaby 30 years old or replace the crock pot. That sucks. Fortunately it will probably be another few years before I want to cook with a crock pot again. I'm not really the crock pot kind of guy.
I also had a long conversation with someone who is going through a bit of a crisis. (This is not a parisioner so I'm not violating some ethical code.) He is one of those people who would rather hold all his emotions in instead of letting them out. Then when they do come out they just explode. I am familiar with this experience because I have lived it. But his question was is it fair to say something that is hurtful just because it is what you are feeling. So here is my question, why do we base so much of what we do and say on how others might react? I tried to say to him that saying what someone felt and honestly believed was not necessarily hurtful just because the other person might feel hurt by it. Hurtful suggests some sort of malice. Whereas saying something honestly but lovingly is just that. How the other person perceives that is in the end not our responsibility. I want to believe that I have gotten past this but I dont' know that I really have. I think I'm getting better. I at least am now better at saying what I want or what I believe. But as far as saying something that may potentially cause conflict, I'm not there yet. Some of you might say that this is just part of my personality and that is true. But I think it is somewhat universal. I mean for goodness sake why can't we just say what we are feeling. And why is it that the people who do state clearly what they are feeling, we consider them to be assholes.
Well I'm going to see someone who does state what is on her mind tonight. I'm going to hear Joy Behar, a comedian who is on the View. Although, I'm betting that she doesn't really say what she is always thinking to the people who she actually comes in contact with. (I'm going by myself because I couldn't convince anyone to go with me. One of two things better happen (1) she is hilarious to the point where I pee my pants or (2) my future husband is in the seat next to me and we strike up a fantastic and meaningful conversation. I'll let you know if either of these happen.)
2 comments:
Okay, was there something in the air yesterday? Because after my shower, as I stood there in front of the bathroom sink getting ready, I dropped my bottle of "Happy" perfume. And much like the jelly, I expected to find my Happy sprayed all over the floor. But, believe it or not, the perfume survived in tact--it was the SINK that broke! Yep. The perfume bottle hit the edge of the pedestal sink and broke off a good six-inch piece. And that's not all--tiny ceramic shards of the sink flew off into my left thigh and right leg and actually drew blood! So I'm standing there naked picking pieces of the shattered sink out of my flesh. I've got a three-inch laceration on the right leg. Crazy, right?
I know that I bottle a lot inside. One reason is that I don't always know how I feel and I delay saying anything. I'm reluctant to give immediate negative feedback to someone who has just hurt me because I don't know whether I'm overreacting. Then, later, if I decide that it is worth bringing up, it's sometimes difficult to bring the conversation naturally around to an event that is somewhat removed in time.
I've also discovered that I give better feedback when I'm not upset, and sometimes waiting until I'm in a calm frame of mind is worth it to me. However, I then face the same challenges as above -- that it can be difficult to tell someone that they hurt your feelings so long ago.
Oy. :)
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