Food, glorious food...

I just got home from my friend Shannon and Sean's. They hosted a dinner party to invite a few of their local friends to meet Shannon's best friend, Abby and her husband and family who are visiting from Boston. Both Abby and her husband are UCC clergy and there were two other clergy, including myself, present. It was really a fantastic evening. One of my favorite ways to spend an evenining, dinner, great conversation, and a lot of laughing. Somehow we talked a lot about poop.
I made a caprese salad (tomatoes, mozzarella, basil and olive oils.) I used these fantastic heirloom tomatoes. Heirlooms are beautiful to look at but even better to eat.
I think really good food is so sensual. Last night I saw the new Pixar film, Ratatouille. One of the key elements of the movie is the food. It is a feast for the eyes. (It is really amazing what is being done in animation.) It is a lovely story but in the end its the city and the food that are the stars. The dish that is the biggest hit is the ratatouille which all of the hoity toity chefs refer to as peasant food. But it is the food that reminds the critic of home and floods him with memories of his mother and his growing up. We all have those foods that when we taste them flood us with such warm memories. For me it really is fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy. Still whenever I visit my family, my grandmother will make chicken and mashed potatoes. Food carries story. Another theme of the movie was that food should be savored not just pushed down without even really tasting it. These tomatoes tonight were meant to be savored. There is a whole new movement taking place largely in California but most likely spreading throughout the rest of the country called slow food. The idea is to return to locally grown food that is not frozen or overly processed; not fast food but slow food. And I really think what comes with that is the idea that food is meant to be appreciated and life is meant to be lived at a slower pace than we tend to live it.
Life really should be lived out around a good bottle of wine and over a long beautiful conversation that is full of laughter and sometimes even talk about poop. It should be savored not just pushed down to get to the next moment. Food carries story but it also reveals how that story is told and lived.

I break for the IPhone

Happy Birthday to the IPhone!
As I promised yesterday today's topic is why I love a Mac. My gateway drug was the IPod. I got a Christmas bonus a few years ago and decided with it I would buy an ipod. I loved having all my music on one device that I could take with me anywhere.
It wasn't as if this was my first forray into all things Macdome. I used a Mac some when I worked in the registrars office in graduate school. And of course my friend Copey is a total Mac geek. But until the IPod I had never bought anything Apple related. Instead I was a PC man. But once I had the IPod in my precious little hands I couldn't get enough. I would walk by the Apple store in the mall and dream of the day I might own a Mac all for myself. So last summer the camp I was directing at the time needed a computer to do end of week camp video projects. And we used a borrowed Mac in previous years so it was never a question what sort of computer we would use. I bought a Macbook. I set up the computer. It was beautiful. I knew that the PC I had been using at home would never satisfy me again. And sure enough I began to look at my PC with total and utter disdain. I know for many of you the PC is the one and only. But for me once I went Mac I never went back.
Now there is this annual event held in San Francisco called MacWorld. (I call it geekworld.) My friend Copey is a regular attender. (He is a big ol' geek.) So this year I attented with him, including the keynote presented by Steve Jobs. This was the keynote where he first introduced the IPhone. Seriously that was all it took. That was it. I was hooked. I drank the Kool Aid. I was a total and complete Mac addict. I wanted to have my picture taken with the IPhone. I had only a few weeks earlier gotten a smart phone of my own, but after that keynote my brand new phone was crap!!! It had buttons for God's sake. Buttons!!!
A few weeks later I owned a Macbook and the church bought a new IMac. And it is fantastic. I can videochat. I can make IMovies. (Now I know all of you PC users can do those things too. But it is not the same.) It is so easy to use.
Now I won't be waiting in line for an IPhone and I won't even be buying an IPhone anytime soon. This is because of two things (a) it costs too much and (2) I still have about a year and a half on my current contract. (I know I said for (a) and for (2). Shout out to MS and Mel) But let's just be clear I will have one. I may not need one, but I will have one. It is beautiful.
I know I probably need some help.

Over and Apple My Peeps

Alan's Birthday

This is what I spent the day doing. Alright, not the whole day but the whole afternoon. I don't know how real bakers do it. I'm assuming they have better skills and better equipment. But still my back hurts. I also tried to get fancy. Big mistake. I had two layers and I decided I would cut them in half, making four layers. I have seen it on television so surely that must mean I can now replicate it. Wrong. I ended up with a big ol mess. I think I covered up the mistakes but there is a lot of patching. I do think it is kind of pretty. I hope it tastes good. In between each layer is chocolate mousse and then it is a fudge frosting. I have never made the frosting or the mousse before. So we will see. The nice thing is that my friends who will be eating the cake are kind when it comes to my cooking and baking. (Or I'm overly critical and it is better than I ever think. I'm going with really nice friends.) And it is homemade. My feeling is homemade beats store bought cake anyday.

I just got distracted by a phone call, so I'm not quite sure what I was going to write after this.

I got my rapture book today. Boy, Amazon Prime is quick. I just ordered it yesterday. I'll let you all know if my feelings about the rapture change. Unless of course the rapture is for real and it happens before I finish the book. In that case either I too will be taken up or I'll be left behind and I can blog all I want. And I'm also guessing that if I am left behind many of you will be also left to keep me company. (Also, let me know who Secret Rapture, yesterday's post, is. I'm not following a link that someone I don't know gave me.)

Oh, and tomorrow is the birthday of the iphone. I think tomorrow I'll post about how great it is. (Everyone's talking about it.) I won't be able to purchase one for a few years. But I did get to see it in January and it rocks. So I'll tell you about what I thought about the whole iphone thing and perhaps the whole mac world. I am quite the convert. I'm hope to one day be as evangelical about Jesus as I am about macs.

Alright, over and out, bloggers.

Today's blog entry will be played by FLOHJ

I just spent some time writing on another blog that I occasionally post to. It is FreakishlyLargeHandofJesus and you can click on the link to the left. I wrote about the rapture. Something which I really think is kind of bogus. But one of my members has been bringing it up and something that I got some spam e-mail about the other day with all these links to what is going to happen during the rapture and to all of those who are going to be left behind. Seriously, pastors get some crazy e-mails. And when am I going to get my money from the Nigerian man's family?
So anyway read the other blog post. It is pretty good.

Okay, I have Wheel of Fortune on right now. (Now hear me when I say I think WOF is kind of lame. But it comes on right after Jeopardy which I love. And so I have it on while I'm blogging.) But there is a HOTTIE with a capital hot on as a contestant. Now granted it doesn't appear that he is going to win, but I am rooting for him. And I'm willing to comfort him if he doesn't win. Nope he didn't win. Seriously, Hot!!!!

Alright, read my other blog entry because that is it for me.

Peace

Yada, yada, yada

I really don't have anything to write about today. Seriously, I just spent about 10 minutes staring at the screen after I wrote the first sentence. Still nothing.

It was cold here today. Pilates at 8:30. Shower. Crossword puzzle. Office. Produce market. Home. Target. Home to read Christianity for the Rest of Us by Diana Butler Bass and another book on theology. Then off to a centering prayer group at 5:30. Followed by a trip to my friend Laine and Sheldon's to return a book. Hung out for a little while and read "That's Not My Train" and played a couple of rounds of peek-a-boo with L & S's son, Linden. Very cute little boy. I seriously want at least one of those things. Then back home for a burrito and to write this blog.

I just spent an hour video chatting with my friend Mary Sue who wanted me to say that she is very tan and skinny. She is leaving for Puerto Rico on a mission trip in two days. Let me just be clear I am so glad that I am not travling to Puerto Rico with a group of teenagers. I am over being a leader on a youth trip. I remember one camp where two of the boys threw pennies at me when the lights went out. Now I absolutely love both of these boys but I am lad that I don't have to sleep in the same room with teenagers like them.

Alright, so I'm hoping for more to say tomorrow.

Good night! (Or good morning which is more likely when all of you are reading this.)

P.S. I'm not editing this because it is late now so sorry.

Aunt Mary is not a witch

A day of nothing. Alright well I did a little but not much. I did some laundry. Some grocery shopping. But I didn't find my cereal of choice, Kashi Go Lean Crunch. Instead, I bought what looks like a new type of Go Lean Crunch with honey and flax. I'm assuming it will be good. I mean how can you go wrong with honey?
I also went to a baking store where I bought edible flowers. Not flowers that grow from the ground and are edible, but instead flowers that are hand made with fondant, basically moldable sugar. I'm baking a cake for a friend's birthday on Thursday and I'm going to use them as decoration. I'm giving a chocolate cake recipe one more try. My friend Robin swears by this recipe but the last time I baked it I thought it was kind of dry. So if it doesn't turn out this time the recipe is dead to me.
Then I took a beautiful nap. Watched some television. And got an ice cream cone at Mitchells. Mitchells is a San Francisco ice cream shop that is fantastic. If you visit I'll take you there.
Speaking of dead to me, my grandmother's sister, Mary died Friday night. Aunt Mary was always unhappy. Or at least she seemed to be. I was always a little afraid of her to be honest. She didn't really say very much. When she would come visit she would just sit at the kitchen table or in a recliner in the living room. I don't know that I ever really saw her walk. I'm sure she did because how else could she have gotten to the table? Unless she was a witch and she just apparated. (A Harry Potter word for pop from here to there.) But I don't think she was a witch. I do remember that when I would leave the house to go somewhere she would say, "be paticular babeh." Translation, "be particular baby." Now I don't have any idea what that means. But I would always just say, "okay." Seemed like the best response. What this really means though is that my grandmother and her sister are the only ones left of an entire genergation, which feels weird to me. Their picture is at the top of this post. And while Aunt Mary sort of made them crazy too, she was their sister and they are grieving today. They'll miss her.

Be paticula babies!

Oh what a night

Wow! So much has happened since the last time that I posted, I don't even really know where to begin.

First, last night I went to see a performance of two episodes of The Golden Girls as performed by drag queens. Yes, you heard me correctly drag queens. Ironically, the performer who was playing Dororthy looked like Bea Arthur--very mannish. And it was hilarious. They even had the lead-in music that was played as you returned from commercials. They also had commercials from that period of time such as "I've fallen and I can't get up." But the best part was where it took place. It was in someone's house. They claimed that it was a "private facility" with "salon style" seating. My ass it was someone's living room with rented chairs. It was like when you were a kid and you did a play for your friends or your family. They strung up a bedspread as a curtain and then when you walked back to the bathroom they had strung up sheets to hide the dressing area from the rest of the house. Esentially, the backstage area was the dining room. And we were piled into the living room in these rented chairs which was better than we thought it was going to be. We were expecting to be sitting on someone's dirty sofa. Oh and you had to walk through their kitchen to get to the bathroom. Now this probably violated a couple law. First copyright laws. Second, some fire code that doesn't allow 50 people to be in a private house. A house that also had rented theatre lights that I'm assuming got pretty hot and used up a lot of electricity.

Then we went out to the Pink Party. This is a "party" the night before the pride parade and festival. It is on Castro street which had been closed off for the event. Now I put the word party in quotes because it really isn't so much a party as it is drunk people walking up and down the street. It was also cold. And then where we decided to stand at one point this group of really, really unnattractive people walked up, one with a painted face that made him look like a professional wrestler. The next thing we knew they were naked. NAKED!!!!!! People were coming over to have their pictures taken with the naked people. Which that is the part I really don't get. Why would you want to have a picture of yourself with an ugly naked guy? I got home about 1 AM and then got back up at 7 this morning to go to work.

I went to worship today. We had a really small number and one of the high school graduates from the methodist church we worship with the fourth Sunday of the month was the "preacher" today. (We share space with this methodist church.) First apparently this guy has not been around at least his entire time in high school, because no one I know even knew his mother had this older son. Second, his "sermon" sounded a lot like a valedictory address that included Jesus occasionally. He used a lot of SAT words. At one point he used the phrase "his personal maxim." Personal maxim, what in the hell is that? I don't even know if I have a personal maxim but according to him he does. I do love that high school students, particularly seniors, think they have it all figured out. I know I did. Most of the people probably didn't hear him anyway. The pastor of the methodist church wasn't there today nor was their music minister or just about anyone else really. This meant that no one was there to set up the sound system. Nice, eh? Oh, well.

Then I went out and met some friends at the Pride festival. It was really a beautiful day for it. The crowds were pretty big. But I got a hot dog and that made it all worth while. I also had this great blueberry lemonade vodka drink that was delicious. But you are not going to believe this, I met my friends at the festival and I look over and who do I see? It is one of the ugly naked guys from last night. Riding up on his bicycle. And he is still naked. Don't you think riding a bicycle naked would be uncomfortable?

It's been quite a weekend. Boy am I beat.

Until tomorrow...

Looking up

So I've noticed something today that I want to pay attention to. I believe I look down way too much. I was made aware of this today in a couple of ways. First, Abe and I went to breakfast at a place down the street from my house. It is called Tygers and if you ever come visit me we will go there. I love it. They know my name. Anyway, so as we were walking back Abe was pointing to all these really beautiful houses that I had never noticed before. (This a real gift of Abe's. He really is living life fully, taking in all it has too offer. Granted maybe a little too much, but living life fully nonetheless.) Lots of houses, like these I hadn't noticed, in San Francisco are set up fairly high and you have to climb a series of steps to reach the front door. And in order to see anything while walking down the street you have to look up and really take notices of them. I don't know that I really had ever done that before.
The second thing that drew my attention to this is that I received a link to some pictures of a wedding that I recently did for my cousin on the beach in Florida. In almost all the pictures during the wedding I am looking down. Only one or two am I looking forward. (One unrelated thing is that during the wedding I was wearing my sunglasses because it was on the beach in the sun But this was a bad idea because I look like a blind person.) Walking down the aisle I'm looking down. The one that I'm not looking down in I'm not smiling. (I wasn't smiling a lot at this wedding. But that is a whole other story.)
I once didn't get a job at a church because they claimed I never made eyecontact. Now personally I don't really believe I never made eye contact with them, but whatever. The point is I think I'm failing to take notice of the world I live in and the people I meet. Perhaps, back to a previous blog, I'm not noticing hotties on the street because I'm not looking up. I want to look up. I want to experience all the beauty the world has to offer. I want to notice what is happening around me. As I write this I'm thinking that often holding ones head down is a sign of being shy or self conscious; while holding ones head high usually refers to someone who is proud of who they are even in the midst of some embarrassement. On this pride weekend I especially want to hold my head high. I am proud of the person that I am. I want to show that pride to the world. So my pride trivia for today is that I'm not so sure I'm fully revealing how proud of myself I really am. But I'm going to try to live differently. I'm going to hold my head high and take notice of the world around me. Oh, and I'm not going to wear sunglasses at a wedding anymore.

It's Pride Weekend

The insanity is about to begin. My friend Abe has arrived from Sacramento for the weekend. We are about to head out for a night of debauchery. Alright, he is really the one who is headed out for a night of debauchery. I'm just tagging along. I'm sure I'll be in bed by midnight. He might be in bed by midnight, it just won't be the one that my couch turns into. (He is a big ol' ho!)

He showed up with a bottle of vodka and cranberry juice. And now we are headed to happy hour where it is two for one every Friday night. Literally, they just hand you two drinks. Last time I went out with Abe to happy hour I was drunk in forty five minutes and it wasn't even 8:00. And as many of you know when I get drunk it does not give me a lot of energy instead it puts me to sleep. So I'm trying not to get drunk cause I would actually like to stay out a little bit later than 8:30.

Saw the Gay men's chorus last night at the annual Pride concert. They were the best that I have ever seen them. Despite being well known throughout the country and I guess the world, they really aren't that good. They also do this crazy choreograpy. And some of them cannot move. And them some of them are way too into the movements.

So alright, I have to go. I'll give you an update tomorrow. I'll be sure to drink a bottle of water and take some aspirin before I go to bed.

Happy Pride Ya'll!!!!!

The longest day of the year

Well my fans have spoken, clamouring if you will, "Please, oh please continue to write everyday. How will we ever get through our day with out your musings?" Okay, well it didn't sound exactly like that and it was only three people but hey, a girl can dream.

As I mentioned yesterday, I saw Spiderman III today. And as I expected it sucked. Not sucked like I wanted to ask for my money back (Granted, I didn't actually pay since I went with my friend Sean who is a fire fighter in the town close to where the theater is and fire fighters get in free.) but sucked none the less. Here are few of the problems. (1) Too long--coming in at about two hours. (2) Some black goo from outer space covers Spiderman and turns him into this arrogant, charismatic, inconsiderate ladies man. There was no way Tobey Macguire was going to pull that one off. It was laughable. It also included a whole dance scene. (To be honest I enjoyed the dance number.) Also, one of my favorite part of this whole machismo makeover was that he would just pull his bangs down. Who knew that a hair style had so much power? (3) Too many villains. (4) Sentimentality. (5) Too long. I know I mentioned that already, but seriously it was too long.

The best part of the movie was the Harry Potter trailer. I gasped when I saw it. I was so excited I nearly wet myself. I cannot wait to see it. Speaking of Harry Potter, I'm on the last chapter of the sixth book. And I'm convinced that (a) Snape is not a bad guy and (b) Dumbledore is not fully dead.

Oh and I have a piece of Pride trivia: Today is Ellen Johnson's birthday. She is not a lesbian. But I am proud to know her.

Today is the longest day of the year. Eleven years ago today I was in England spreading the ashes of my friend Barbara. It was one of the greatest trips of my life. But we in the United States do not even know what the longest day of the year feels like. In Northern England, where were staying, it would get dark about midnight and the sun would come up about four or five hours later. (Now this might not be completely accurate because it was after all eleven years ago, but it got dark really, really late and the sun did come up really early.) Thank goodness for black out shades.

Alright, I'm off to meet my friend Lee for the Gay Men's Chorus concert. I'm sure I'll have something to say about it tomorrow.

Peace

a couple of problems and then to hug or not to hug

I said it would happen and it has, I don't have any more pride trivia. So feel free to insert your own.

Another, problem: I am blogging so that I will be engaged in some creative writing every day. Even if it is just rambling about what is going on in my life. And even if it isn't all that creative. But here is the thing. I was over at my friend Laine and Sheldon's last night and I realized that they knew most of what was going on with me because they read my blog. I'm going to have to come up with some sort of strategy. Either I don't write about my day or I don't write every day. But I'm convinced that if I don't every day that I'll eventually stop writing all together. And if I don't write about what is going on during my day then what am I going to write about? Hmm.

Alright, well I'm not going to write tomorrow unless something really, really good happens that I just have to write about. I know that I'm finally going to go see Spider Man III tomorrow, but I'm not expecting that to be really good. Then tomorrow night I'm going to see the SF Gay Men's Chorus perform, their annual Pride concert. They aren't very good, just loud. I'm not really expecting that to be good but it will be a pridey type event that will at least make me feel like I'm recognizing the holiday. But you know I bet I'll get some good pride trivia there. I just might have to write after all. Who knows? So I guess at the end of this paragraph I'm open to writing tomorrow. (I have a friend who gets frustrated when people say things like "i'm open to that" or "I just don't have the energy for that" or "I'm just not in that space right now.")

Oh, I just thought of something that I think is interesting. I have some friends, you know who you are, who don't like that we hug or kiss every time we get together and then again when we leave one another. These are not friends who I only see once a year or who live far away. These are people that I see all the time. I grew up in a hugging/kissing family. Not in a weird Alabama icky relative kind of way. Is this cultural? Meaning, is this a southern kind of thing? The friends I'm thinking of are from the mid-west. Maybe it is. I don't know.

Well that's my ramblings for today.

Ciao

This one is kind of heavy

Pride trivia for the day: I love that song "Proud" that Oprah introduced on her show and used for about 15 minutes as her theme song. It was clearly a one hit wonder. But one of the lines was "what have you done today to make you feel proud?" I have it as part of one of my regular i-pod playlists. So there you have it the pride trivia for the day. (I bet you won't get trivia like that anywhere else. But when you are on Jeopardy and the category is "Songs that Dixie Likes" you'll be thankful.)
Last night I went to see a movie that was part of the San Francisco LGBT Film Festival, Frameline (some number in the 30s). The movie was called The Bubble and was set in Tel Aviv. The movie was really good, but that is not the point of this post. I went with my landlord and we were having a conversation about how people behave in social settings. And I was saying that when I go somewhere with someone I focus all my attention, for the most part, on the person I am with. So I don't really notice other people around me. For instance, I'm walking down the street with a friend and they will remark "that guy was really cute." I will have completely missed the hottie because I was focusing on the person I was with. Now in a real sense this is what I think makes me a good friend. Because I really hate when I'm with someone and it is clear that they are somewhere else or checking out everyone else in the room. So, in theory, I think this is a really good trait to have. However, it also makes it difficult for me to meet new people. If I go to a bar with a friend I'm not going to spend time cruising the bar for someone to meet. I hang out with my friends to hang out with my friends. I also think it is a little social anxiety. When I go to a party I hang out with only the people I know or if I don't really know anyone I just stand by myself waiting for someone to come speak to me.
Add to that the fact I have a job which is pretty isolating. Most people have several circles in which they move, work, church, school, etc. But most of my circles are confined to the same place. And I would not date a parisioner, even if I was attracted to one in my congregation. (Don't f.... the flock.) So I really wonder if I'm ever going to be in a relationship. Don't hear this as I'm so lonely, poor me. I really have a great life with good friends and plenty of activities that I really enjoy. I've tried all those ways to meet people, internet dating, etc. And didn't find them all that helpful.
So is it that I really am not going to meet someone or is it that despite what I say I want I really don't want to be in a relationship. Similar to what I was saying in the blog about my body. I say I want to get healthy and lose 15 pounds but I don't really change what I eat. And if that is the case then what is going on? Am I afraid of rejection? Is it related to some internalized homophobia or self hatred? I don't know. For whatever reason I am not in a relationship and most likely it is that I am not ready. So for now I'm just going to try and wait and be patient and know that when I am ready I will be presented with an abundance. And for now I'll just be a good friend.

Pride and Harry Potter

Happy Pride week everyone. Now technically it has been Pride month since the beginning of June. But who are we kidding it is really all about the week leading up to Pride. And if we are honest it is really only about the actual Pride weekend. But hey why be technical or honest. (Alright, I realize that contradicts a previous blog calling us to greater honesty, but you know what I'm saying.) In honor of Pride, all this week I'll be giving you a piece of Pride trivia. (And by all week I mean until I run out of trivial things to say about Pride. I do this all the time. I plan a sermon series that is going to last four weeks or so, say the entire season of Advent. Then about week two I realize I have run out of everything I could possibly say about this particular theme. Then I think well damnit I've still got two weeks left.) So anyway today's piece of Pride trivia is that the movie The Lion King and subsequent musical were all about a pride. Simba left the pride and Simba later returned to the pride. A pride is also the term for a group of lions. Similar to a gaggle of gays, a lodge fulll of lesbians, or a bevy of bisexuals. There you have it your pride trivia for the day.

Today was my day off and I spent much of it rereading the sixth Harry Potter book. I want to be ready for the seventh book when it arrives on my doorstep in July. Yes, I pre-ordered. Months ago. I told you I was a big ol' geek in high school. Well it seems nothing has changed. Now I can't remember if we find this out in the sixth book or not, so forgive me if I say it and it is obvious. But I think Harry might be one of Voldemort's horcrux. If you have forgotten a horcrux is a special object in which part of a wizzard or witch's soul is placed in when he or she kills someone, thus making the killer immortal. At the end of what I have been reading today, Dumbledore has been pondering with Harry the thought that perhaps a horcrux could be a living thing thinking that the snake is one of the horcruxes. But if Harry is a horcrux then he has to be killed in the seventh book in order for Voldemort to die. Thus Harry would be giving his life to defeat evil. Very orthodox Christian thought, don't you think? Boy would the people who are already berating HP for being of the devil be freakin out if he also was then represented as a Christ figure. I also think it is interesting that what differentiates Harry from Voldemort is his ability to love. Wow, did I just spend way too much space talking about Harry Potter. (Seriously, if you ever find me dressed like the boy wizzard wondering around some Harry Potter convention or still worse at the Harry Potter amusement partk, just do me a favor and kill me. Now I will go to the amusement park I just don't want to be in costume. And I would say that even goes for if it is a costume as a part of some sexual role play. But I won't say that because who knows what my future partner might be into. Although, a boy wizzard, that is probably still a little disturbing. I guess it could be okay if I was pretending to be Harry and he was pretending to be Ron. But still I don't think so. Ah, but I ramble.)

I also spent some time in the sun today. Yay for sun. Hope you are enjoying some yourself and that all of you in those really hot places aren't melting in the humidity. Until tomorrow.

Keep it fresh

Look two posts today. That's because yesterday's post was mistakenly posted to another blog I occasionally post to . Oops.
So I saw Joy Behar last night. She was really funny. But I have to say I was kind of dissappointed. First neither of what I hoped for happened, I didn't laugh so hard I peed my pants nor was I seated next to my future husband. Second, much of her material was pretty dated. She started off with about 10 minutes of current material. But some of that was just reading George Bush quotes, which to be fair are hilarious, but I had heard most of them or read most of them. And unfortunately, we are also living through them. I can get those on the news for free. Then the rest of the stuff was pretty old--a lot of Clinton stuff. She ended the show with a Lorena Bobbitt bit. (Bit is a pretty appropriate word for that sentence.) Really is it too much to ask that if I am shelling out money to attend your show that you actually come up with some fresh material. The best part of the show was the audience. It was made up of mostly old people and gay and lesbians. Quite a few fit into both categories, gay and old. (But in the end at least I wasn't sitting in the house watching television.) And because I was at an event that felt like time out in at a shuffleboard tournement I was still home early enough to not be tired today.
Best thing that happened today, I discoverd a new, well new to me, singer. They interviewed her on Weekend Edition this morning NPR. Her name is Judith Owen. Love her!!!! I just downloaded her entire album, Happy This Way, from itunes. She was born in Wales and moved to London fairly young. Fantastic! Perfect listening for a Sunaday afternoon.
Well the buzzer just sounded on the dryer. So it's time to end this blog. Not all that interesting. But they can't all be winner.

Say what you mean for goodness sakes!

I broke my crock pot today. This was probably the first time I've used a crock pot in a few years. But two things converged to convince me that it was a crock pot kind of day. First, our heat from the past few days is gone and we have returned to normal San Francisco summer weather, cold and grey. And second I had all these canned beans in my cabinet that I wanted to use. So I decided to make a pot of chili. (I just had it for dinner and it wasn't that great. But the house smells good.) Anyway so I was getting salt down out of the cabinet from above the crock pot and a jar of jelly fell out of the cabinet and landed on the lid of the crock pot. And of course it was the lid that broke and not the jar of jelly. I don't eat jelly so I would not have minded the jelly breaking. It would have been a mess to clean up but it wouldn't have cost me anything. (The jelly was a gift from a parisioner.) But now I have to either try and find a lid to the crock pot, which is probaby 30 years old or replace the crock pot. That sucks. Fortunately it will probably be another few years before I want to cook with a crock pot again. I'm not really the crock pot kind of guy.

I also had a long conversation with someone who is going through a bit of a crisis. (This is not a parisioner so I'm not violating some ethical code.) He is one of those people who would rather hold all his emotions in instead of letting them out. Then when they do come out they just explode. I am familiar with this experience because I have lived it. But his question was is it fair to say something that is hurtful just because it is what you are feeling. So here is my question, why do we base so much of what we do and say on how others might react? I tried to say to him that saying what someone felt and honestly believed was not necessarily hurtful just because the other person might feel hurt by it. Hurtful suggests some sort of malice. Whereas saying something honestly but lovingly is just that. How the other person perceives that is in the end not our responsibility. I want to believe that I have gotten past this but I dont' know that I really have. I think I'm getting better. I at least am now better at saying what I want or what I believe. But as far as saying something that may potentially cause conflict, I'm not there yet. Some of you might say that this is just part of my personality and that is true. But I think it is somewhat universal. I mean for goodness sake why can't we just say what we are feeling. And why is it that the people who do state clearly what they are feeling, we consider them to be assholes.

Well I'm going to see someone who does state what is on her mind tonight. I'm going to hear Joy Behar, a comedian who is on the View. Although, I'm betting that she doesn't really say what she is always thinking to the people who she actually comes in contact with. (I'm going by myself because I couldn't convince anyone to go with me. One of two things better happen (1) she is hilarious to the point where I pee my pants or (2) my future husband is in the seat next to me and we strike up a fantastic and meaningful conversation. I'll let you know if either of these happen.)

Correction, Crossword Puzzles, and Couples

So this is going to be one of those days when the blog feels more like unconnected ramblings than anything of any substance.
First a correction. So my blog description says that most of my friends call me Dixie. Well that is not exactly true. Some of you pointed that out to me feeling as if this meant that you were on one of the lower tiers of people whom I call friends. In reality only a few of my friends call me Dixe. So do not fear whether you refer to me as Dixie or something else I love you just the same. (Unless of course I really do not know you and you are just reading my blog because it is awesome. If that is the case well then I'm sorry I don't love you like the people that I actually know outside of the blogosphere. Sorry.)
I finished more of a Friday crossword puzzle than I have ever finished before. I started doing the daily crossword puzzle in the newspaper I guess about 6 to 9 months ago. My paternal grandmother died after many years of living with alzheimers disease. And I've heard that working crossword puzzles helps stave off alzheimers. Now clearly it is not the tv guide crossword puzzle because I remember her working that every week. But, anyway, usually I can get through all of Monday and a good part of Tuesday and Wednesday. It is a good week when I can complete all of either Tuesday or Wednesday. But forget about any of the other days of the week. And I don't even look at Sunday's crossword puzzle. But today, I got through a good bit of the Friday crossword puzzle, yay!!!
Oh and I booked a flight to San Diego for July. I'm going to visit my friends Mark and Mary Sue. I got a great deal on a flight with Alaska air for $100 round trip. (They don't call me DIxie. And I love them more than my luggage as Olympia Dukakis said in Steel Magnolias. I met Mary Sue in seminary and we have been fast friends ever since. She knew me when I had a mustache--not a good time in my life. Mark is one of my straight male friends. We had a conversation the last time we were together about gay male/straight male friendships. I have several but for the most part all of them are married. And there is definitely nothing like I'm secretly in love with him and just waiting to get him drunk to have my way with him. Although, if I could order any of my straight male friends in gay I would. But we were wondering if my straight male friends feel safe with me because they are married. In general, are gay men and straight men only able to be close friends when the straight man feels as if it is safe. This is not to imply that Mark is homophobic and if he weren't married he would be afraid of me. I know straight women often feel like they can't be good friends with straight single males. So I don't know. It's interesting to ponder. )
So that is my day. Ate a salad for dinner tonight. Mmmm, good. I thought more about what I wrote about yesterday, but I'm still thinking about that so I'm guessing that will be food for future blog fodder.

Naked?

So I began the day with a pilates/yoga class down the street at Ki-Ki Yo Studio. I do this class two days a week, Tuesday and Thursday mornings. It is a great way to begin my day, although, most days I really don't want to get out and do it . (Except I will say it is easier on Thursdays because usually there is this really hot guy who is also in the class.)
Later in the day I went to the beach. We are having an unusual warm spell. Many people who don't live in California think that California is sunny all the time. Well that may be the case in Southern California but in Northern California and particularly in San Francisco that is not the case. As a matter of fact normally in San Francisco over the summer it is really cold. So needless to say the fact that it was sunny and warm was something to celebrate and take advantage of. And the way I do that is by going to the beach. I went to Baker Beach. It is a beautiful beach with a great view of the Golden Gate Bridge. It is also a clothing optional beach. And yes I get naked.
Now here is the thing. One would think that I have to be really comfortable with my body to get naked in public. And I would like to think that I am. But I know I'm not. I basically take off my shorts while still sitting down and then never stand up. I'm doing pilates not because I want to lead a healthy life style but instead because I want to look good. This year I had two goals. One was to be in a musical, which I was. The other was to love my body. I'm about half way through the year and I'm not sure I'm any closer to my goal. Every time I see myself in a mirror I hold my stomach. I want to lose 15 pounds. And I'm conpletely self-conscious when I'm out on the beach. What I'm realizing is that while my goal for the year is to love my body, I really don't mean it. What I really want to do is to love some other body--the body that I don't have.
So here is my question, what does this mean? How do I get to a point that I love my body but not be satisfied with being unhealthy and out of shape? Heart disease runs in my family, so a belly is not a good idea. And I definitely don't think I should be satisfied if I look like I'm pregnant, like I saw today. (Seriously, there was a man who's belly was so big you couldn't see his package.) So how do I do it? How do I love my body?
I think this is going to take longer than a year

I'm Nicknamable

I'm completely nicknamable. I always have been. Well at least since High School. That's how I got the name for this blog. It is my current nickname. It was given to me by my friend Ranger, who is actually named Melissa Range. We have another friend named Chris Copeland who we call Copey. And mine, of course, comes from my name Brian Dixon. I kind of like it. It is playful which I am. It is a little bit southern, which I am. (But not in the racist way that Dixie often describes.) And it is a little girly, which I am.

When I was in High School, my nickname was Yang. You might think it came from some interest in all things balanced, you know the yin and yang of it all. But no, nothing that centered or even groovy. Instead it is kind of sad and nerdy. I was on the yearbook staff from my 10th grade year on. (I was the editor my senior year and the president of the National Honor Society. Yep I was that guy. Big ol' geek. I would like to think I've gotten beyond that, but I'm blogging so my guess is that I haven't) So anyway my first year on the staff, before computers were as common as they are, all of our copy had to be typed on a typewriter. And according to our advisor, Ms. Crabtree, all of it had to be error free. Well I hadn't taken a typing class so my typing skills were poor, the hunt and peck variety, and since the paper we were typing on was carbon paper that meant I had to start over a lot. I was lucky if I had just begun typing. More often than not, I got almost to the end. So you might be asking yourself what does any of this have to do with your nickname. Well, I was also a good Christian boy who had not yet discovered the full and beautiful range of profanity. So on one of those days when I was almost finished typing my yearbook copy, I made a mistake, and as I ripped the paper out of the typewriter, I exclaimed in sheer exasperation, "Oh Yang!" And well it stuck. I had it engraved on my class ring, imprinted on my yearbooks, printed on t-shirts. And I liked it.

I think some people are just nicknamable. And I guess I'm one of them. Maybe in my next blog I'll tell you about some other nicknames or the nicknames I have given to people.

Dixie