Massive Head Wound Dixie

So I was a victim today. I showed up at the Community Emergency Response Training drill that my friend Sean was running. He bought makeup that included latex wounds. I had a hole in my cheek and then a large wound on my neck. Then I was given instruction. I was going to be at a house about three blocks away from where the drill would begin. And when the team arrived I was to be unconcious and then come to and tell them the last thing I remember was being hit on the head and then lose conciousness again. First problem, I was hit on the head but I had a gash in my neck and a hole in my cheek. But whatever. So I layed around for a while. Where Sean told me to lie down was in a shaded area. And eventually it got cold. So I stood up in the sun and just waited to see the team walking down the road. They were in flourescent vests so they wouldn't be too difficult to see. Well when I saw them coming I went back and laid down. About that time the mail carrier showed up. I was right next to the mailbox. So I had to look up and tell her what I was doing. She said "Oh is that why all the fire engines are around. I was grabbing for my cell phone." She was about to call 911. Then the team walked up. I had my eyes closed. One of the member comes up to me and I give my line and I lose conciousness again. At that point they are supposed to get me on a stretcher and carry me the three blocks back. Well first of all they were having a hard time getting the stretcher together. Then I was sort of in a doorway so they were trying to figure out how to get me on the stretcher. They decided they would roll me over. Well they did alright except for the neck. The guy held it but then they realized that they were not going to be able to just roll me onto the stretcher, so they turned me back on my back and the guy just let go of my neck. If I had a real neck injury I would have then had a broken neck. So they have to pick me up by my legs and my shoulders. They did alright but it just made me laugh. Then when I was finally on the stretcher they started carrying. Oh I almost forgot at first they weren't going to strap me down to the stretcher. Fortunately they thought better of that idea. So they tied me down and then began carrying me down the street. All the while my eyes are closed. And then they kept having to put me down because one of the women kept getting winded. And they would change sides. At one point I was slanted. See good thing they had me strapped in. Then finally they had to call for help because the woman couldn't carry me any further. I heard her saying she had been on disability all year. Hello, then why in the world is she being trained emergency response. She is going to be the person who will be rescued. (That was rude. I know.) Well anyway then they get me back to the site. And they keep saying I'm the happiest dead person they had ever seen. And I kept saying I'm not dead just unconscious. And the guy failed to tell them about the fact that I had been conscious and had been hit on the head. I'm sure they did fine but seriously if there is an earthquake I hope I'm not in Colma--that's where I was today.
I did get free pizza though and the firefighters were hot.
So that's it I have to write a sermon now. Until tomorrow.

Peace out!