Okay I have a lot to share in today's blog. First I have a new straight boyfriend. Although, I really don't want to give up my other straight boyfriend, my best friend Mark. So I think I'll have to work out some polygamous straight boyfriend arrangement. Anyway, my new straight boyfriend is my friend Hans, my friend Amy's husband who spent the night here Saturday night on his way to Sacramento for a conference. Now before you or Amy gets worried he is not my boyfriend in the conventional sense of the word or the "sleep over" sense of the word. He slept on the sofa. He is my new straight boyfriend for two very big reasons
(1) He is an excellent folder--not folder as in holder of papers but instead folder in the sense of folder of linens. I didn't have to refold my linens that he used before I put them back up in the closet Not the sheet linens they were washed after he slept on them. Lest any you want to come and visit and are afraid you would have to sleep on used sheets. But I mean the quilts and blankets. Normally I would have refolded them, not necessarily because they were folded too poorly, but instead because I'm anal retentive and need things done a certain way. But I didn't have to do that. They were beautiful. I just put them right up in the closet. and the (2) reason is: He squeeged my shower doors after he showered. I don't even squeegee the shower doors. I have a squeegee in there because I once recognized the need to do that after every shower but only did it once. But I got in the shower this morning and the doors were sparkling. And I could tell that the squeegee had been used because it was slightly askew of where it normally stays. Seriously, I mean what more could I ask for. Well alright there are few other things I could ask for, but not in a straight boyfriend. I also would like to now place an order for Hans but in gay.
Speaking of Hans, he and I ate at a French bistro just down the street from the house. The food was delicious, but the service kind of sucked. They did take my number and say we'll call you when we have a table which was nice since we didn't have a reservation and they could have just said you'll have to wait. But the problem arose when after about 15 minutes we still hadn't had our order taken. Which it was a busy restaurant so I would not have minded had our waitress not walked past our table and took the order of the people who sat down a good 5 minutes after us. So I politely touched our waitress on the shoulder, an action that she ignored until she was good and ready to then approach our table. And after that it was all over, plus we didn't order in French. Now here is the thing if we were in French and I didn't attempt to speak French in a restaurant I would expect rude service. But we were not. We were in San Francisco where as far as I know the official language is still English. So I'll probably go back because the food was really good, but I'm hoping for a different waitress the next time.
Just a few more quick things: Yesterday when I went into church someone's intermittent windshield wipers were on even though the car was turned off and no one was in it. When I came out of the church at 12:30, 4 hours later, the windshield wipers were still going. That is some tough battery.
I have a decaying rodent in my bedroom wall. Yuck! And you just have to let it run its course. Fortunately I've been cooking all day so it has masked the odor, but it will be back.
Finally, yesterday during our concerns and celebrations time in worship one of my members who comes to church every week stoned shared about trying to raise birds (He comments on the birds every week during concerns and celebrations.) but this week he added that his birds were cannabalistic. What?!? I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing.
Alright, the gays will be here soon for dinner.
Peace out!
4 comments:
It has been a long time since I laughed that hard while reading a blog entry, and that's saying a lot since Dixie and FLHOJ both tend toward the hilarious! Maybe it was because I could actually picture Hans folding and squeegee-ing that made your words even funnier. In any case, thanks for the great laughs, and I hope you get your order for Hans in gay!
I hope you can't picture tooooo much of Brian's story Ellen!
I think I finally know what my mom felt like when I'd come home from an overnight at a friends house and my friend's mom would tell my mom what a wonderful child I was -- so polite, so helpful. After the door closed my mom would wipe the surprised smile off her face and say, "why can't you act like that at home with your brothers and sister?"
Trust me -- Hans' 15-year inability to clean the bathroom has just been exposed as a sham. He's got 15 years of toilet bowl cleaning to make up for!!!!!
Brian, I am truly flattered, and I really do like you, but it just can't work between us. We're too different, you and I...
Let me just respond to a couple of points:
1) Yes, I squeegeed the shower doors because I figured somebody who actually OWNS a squeegee does that themselves. I was just being a good guest and following suit. Apparently, I miscalculated on that one.
2) Your "attention to detail" is confirmed, Brian, by the fact that YOU NOTICED THAT THE SQUEEGEE HAD MOVED!!!
3) Ellen, if you really could picture me using the squeegee in the shower, then perhaps we need to talk about our relationship...
4) Apparently the bistro was trying to emulate the FULL French experience by recreating the food, the crowded tables, AND the rude wait staff. The funny part was to hear them use a French accent when they were serving, but then fall back into 'Californese' 5 seconds later. Very good food, but kind of a strange place.
Let me know how you liked the wine, by the way. Thanks again for your hospitality.
just for the record, i squeegee your shower when i stay over but you've never commented on it. maybe that's because i'm just anal enough to put the squeegee back exactly where i found it, or possibly because my shower is sometimes followed by your other straight boyfriend's shower, and i'm pretty sure he's no hans when it comes to squeegeeing or folding. he is, though, terribly jealous of hans now, so who knows what new habits he may pick up to impress you. ;-)
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