Lessons in letting go

So I did make it to Atlanta, albeit it a day later than planned. As many of you may know the first tornado to hit downtown Atlanta hit on Friday night and heavy storms on Saturday followed. I had planned to come on Saturday evening but decided to wait until this morning to drive down. So I got up early and made the short 2 and a half hour trip, arriving in plenty of time to worship at Oakhurst. Where it was wonderful to be and to get so many hugs and words of support. It was just what I needed before I wade knee deep into whatever waters of sadness and grief I'm about to dive into.

I am currently at my friend Paul and Melanie's and will be here through the night. Assuming everything goes the way it is supposed to (Which who knows what that means any more) I'll fly tomorrow to Orlando arriving at 8:40 AM.

As of last night my brother is still alive. (And I'm assuming since I haven't heard otherwise he is still alive right now.) I talked to my mother last night and she said that he is scared--something that I can certainly understand. But I wander if the fear is what is keeping him. Or perhaps he is waiting on me to get there. Tomorrow will be a week since he last ate so I can't imagine he can go much longer.

Your well wishes have been really appreciated. I am so grateful to have the access of this blog to my extended community.

I'll continue to update as things progress.

Peace out!

Quick Update

I'm still in Tennessee--but I have altered my schedule. I will leave here on Saturday, drive back to Atlanta, spend Sunday in Atlanta, and then fly to Florida on Monday.

My brother has stopped eating and only drinks maybe a cup of liquid a day. He is sleeping most of the day now. I suspect that his death may happen in the next week or so, possibly sooner. I'm preparing myself for the possibility that I may not make it to Florida before he dies.

I feel good about my decision to stay here and then worship at Oakhurst in Atlanta on Sunday and I think I'll still be okay with that decision if my brother dies before I arrive. I don't feel like there are things I need to say to him.

He is concerned about my father--my dad had a heart attack and bypass surgery about 5 years ago. He apparently told my sister that she should get someone to come talk to my Dad. I'm assuming he meant their pastor.

Right now as I'm writing this there are bluebirds and red birds right outside the window. Somehow I feel like that is a sign for me.

I've e-mailed my landlord and asked him to ship me my suit. At one point as I was packing I thought I should pack my suit. But then either out of hope or ignorance I decided not too. That decision I'm regretting. But for whatever reason I didn't--so that is that. And if it doesn't make it in time I'll wear what I brought with me.

This post is rambling, but it also is what it is.

So far, so crappy!

Okay, this has started out to be a pretty weird sabbatical. Last week I was in San Francisco with my friends Mark and Mary Sue. They are expecting twins--Mary Sue had been in the hospital for 8 weeks. So the first 3 days I was in SD I hung out at the hospital. Then on Wednesday afternoon she got to come home. So on Thursday I helped her get settled and tried to help straighten up the house after a long 2 months. On Friday I helped paint the baby's room.
I arrived in Tennessee yesterday to learn that my friend Dave and Tracy's oldest son four year old Noah has the flu. Now that would be bad enough but their youngest son, Wesley has cystic fibrosis so the flu is particularly dangerous for him. Dave and Tracy were told that the whole family should go on Tamiflu as a protective measure. Well guess who is a part of the family this week? That's right me. I am currently taking Tamiflu as well. Yep, I'm taking medication for something I don't even have.
Today I got a call from my mother saying that they halted treatment on my brother yesterday and that they spoke with hospice today. We'll find out tomorrow what this prognosis means, i.e. how long he is expected to live.
I have to say that while I've enjoyed being with some of the dearest people in my life, so far my sabbatical has sucked!!!!!
And I'm guessing it is going to get a whole lot worse before it gets better.

Jesus! Jesus is everywhere!

I'm now in Tennessee. I flew into Atlanta last night and then drove up to my friend's, Tracy and Dave's, house in Engelwood, Tennessee. On the way up here I was struck by how much protestantism or the Christian Church is simply part of the ethos of the South. This isn't a new piece of knowledge for me, but living in San Francisco and California I tend to forget. All along the road, a small highway that goes from North Georgia into Tennessee, I saw all sorts of signs that reinforced this. First there were the church signs. Here are my favorite:
(1) Don't wait until you are flat on your back to look up to God
(2) Man's ways are viewed by God
and the absolute favorite
(3) Warning Exposure to the Son May Prevent Burning
(Nice, eh?)
Then there were the businesses that had subtle or maybe not so subtle religious messages. There was the Amen tractors and building trailers and Jabez Inc. I don't even know what they do at Jabez Inc. There was also the business that had out front a big stone cross that said on it "Get Right With God."

There was also in a field "John 3:16" and "Jesus" spelled out with large plumbing pipe.

Then there was a sign that I'm not quite sure what it's intent was and that was a giant billboard with a picture of this woman--clearly a Glamour Shot--and beside the picture it said "Jesus Healed My Wife dot Com" Huh?!? (Okay I just visited the website. For real Ya'll got to visit this website. You also get to the see the picture of Patsy, the wife in question.)

I'm really curious if any one ever is moved to join a church or "get right with God" based on any of these things? Personally, its enough to make me almost unjoin a church.

Airport Looky-Loo

Okay so I'm sitting at the San Diego airport heading back to the house after a week with my friends Mark and Mary Sue. My flight is delayed an hour because of weather somewhere. So instead of an hour wait I currently have a two hour wait. But that could all change. So I thought I'd sign on to the free wi-fi at the San Diego International Airport and post to the blog. (Why doesn't every airport have free wi-fi.) So anyway the topic of the post is simply a list of the sights, sounds and smells at the airport, specifically around gate 9, because I'm not walking around.

(1) A man in shorts and wearing dark socks. I don't know how anyone still does this.
(2) A distinguished older man talking on his cell phone while wearing sunglasses. Why is he wearing his sunglasses inside? "I wear my sunglass at night..."
(3) Pizzaria Uno--that's a smell. It smells so tasty, I might just have to get myself a slice.
(4) Hottie in a steel grey t-shirt to match his sultry steely blue eyes.
(5) An older Asian man who has fallen asleep in his chair. It's 5:00 in the afternoon. Unless he came from Asia there is just no excuse for that.
(6) Did I mention Pizzaria Uno?
(7) Another hottie carrying a Pizzaria Uno box while talking on his telephone and not at all keeping an eye on his pizza box.
(8) Angry hottie because someone sitting right next to him has started eating his pizza.
(9) Southwest airlines employee asking me to please give the man back his pizza.

I think it might be a love connection.

Peace out!

You touched me where?

I know it has been several days since I last posted. i have been in San Diego since Monday morning. A friend has been in the hospital so I've been spending most of my time there. However, she came home this afternoon. And her coming home this afternoon is what brought about my the incident for my post today. She is still on bed rest but she also needed some medication. So I went to the Long Drugs. As I went in I past a mother and her son, approximately 3 years old. The little boy was trying to go in through the out door and so the mother let me pass by and go on in. I walked up to the pharmacist counter and i was standing there hunched over filling out the information form when suddenly I felt a pair of little hands rubbing my butt cheeks. I turned around and it was the little boy. I guffawed out loud. Meanwhile the mother horrified. Then she had to try and explain to the little boy that even though I was laughing and then when she realized I was not going to get angry and sew she was laughing that it was not funny to touch someone there.
Now here is what I want to know, what was it about my butt that incited this little child to just run up and start rubbing it? I know it is perky but I've never had anyone of any age just run up and start rubbing it. (Alright I guess that isn't completely true, but never a total stranger. Okay that probably isn't completely true either--but it has never happened in the Long Drugs.) Or did it look so plump that the little boy thought it was a pair of punching bags or pillows? I guess I'll never know unless it starts happening often. I'm going back to the Long Drugs tomorrow, so we'll see if it is about the Long Drugs.

I'll let you know.

Controlling, Me?

So I know I said yesterday that I was on sabbatical. But that wasn't quite right. I had to meet some parishoners, Dave & Jeff, today for lunch and specifically give the treasurer, Dave, a few last pieces of information. I did that today. And while I was there he got a call from another member called. Dave said "Oh it's Phillip--from church." Then he took the phone call to another room. I had no idea what they were talking about. And I couldn't figure out why in the world Phillip would be calling Dave to begin with. And it was driving me crazy. I really wanted to know what they were talking about. It was all I could think about. And the longer the conversation went on the more I wanted to know. I'm beginning to think letting go during my sabbatical might be more difficult than I thought it would be. I think I believe that they are incapable of surviving without me. Or more accurately, I am indispensable. Now rationally I know that is not true, but irrationally its a different story. And I have to say I think this might be one of the reasons I need a sabbatical now. Yeah, I think this is going to be a real challenge for me. Sabbath is a practice. Tomorrow I'm going to keep working on it.

Peace out!