I took my television to the shop today. This was my first day without anything really going on. Tuesday night I had folks over. Last night I went to chorus rehearsal. I'm not sure I realized how much I relied on television to fill my time. It's hard. There is definitely something for me to learn from this. It is hard for me to be in long extended periods of quiet. Right now I have on music. (Defying Gravity from Wicked.) But tv also keeps me company. I don't realize when I'm lonely because I'm watching television. Now sure there are times when I think I wish someone was around, but there is always someone on television. I've been going out of my way to get a friend to do something. And so far no one has taken me up on my invitation today. I get it they have lives, but seriously feeling a bit lonely. I'm a bit freaked out to be honest. Now, to be sure, I'll be getting a lot more done while I don't have a tv. But it is hard. I know I've already said that. Growing up we always had the tv on. My Dad would walk in the house and, if it wasn't on, would turn it on before he did anything else. He still does that. The tv is always on at their house.
I will say that I am getting better with not filling up every minute with noise. I had already started trying to do that in worship. And I do centering prayer that involves 20 minutes of silence. But that is intentional. I mean silence when I could be filling it up with noise. Over the past month or so there are times when I can't stand the sound of the radio in the car. So I'll ride in silence or I'll sing, typically a show tune. Surprised, right? But boy this was more of a test than I wanted so soon after just beginning to turn off the radio in the car.
Alright, well until tomorrow. I'm going to watch a movie on my computer. I do still have netflix, thank you Jesus.
Peace out.
2 comments:
I hear you on the loneliness. I spend much of my day alone in my house, since I do most of my work at home. And before I was dating Mike, I spent much of my weekend at home alone too. I don't usually have the television on, but the radio is my constant companion. I enjoy intentional silence, especially group silence (in worship, etc), but silence while I'm at home by myself just reminds me that I am by myself and hence makes me feel lonely. So I empathize with your struggle and thank you for sharing it.
I have to confess to some withdrawal, too, having moved from a parsonage (where cable was paid for) to our own home (where we don't want to spend that much money for tv). Our cheap tv gets no reception, either, so it's almost like having nothing at all (though we, too, have experienced netflix salvation). We've resorted to pulling out the 13-inch, 1992 color tv that has survived at least three droppings on its face if there's something on we really want to see.
Post a Comment