My Last Night

It is my last night. I start back to work tomorrow. In many ways I'm ready to begin working again. And also I'm not at all ready. It feels like the last four months went by way too quickly.
It was not at all what I thought it would be. I think what I thought would happen during my sabbatical is that life would stop. That I would just get to escape into a beautiful, easy, utopic world. A place where everything worked out as I planned them, where I was completely well rested, and where people didn't die. But that wasn't the case. And it could never have been the case--just because I wasn't working didn't mean that the world stopped spinning. Honestly it felt like it was spinning faster and more out of control, more out of my control. Does this mean that when I go back to work tomorrow that the world will slow down a bit? I doubt it. It will be no easier when I walk through the doors of my office.
So what am I taking back? Why should I take another sabbatical 4 or 5 years from now, if I'm not going to return well rested? First, I think it is important for the congregation to realize that I am not indispensable, that they can survive with out me. And it is important for me to realize that I am not indispensable, that they can survive without me. And I think I've learned that the world is nearly impossible to control, if not completely impossible. Plans must be held to lightly. I'm sure there are other things, but I don't want to reflect on anything else tonight. I'll start reflecting tomorrow.
I had a great time on Gay Retreat 2008. It was sunny and beautiful. I absolutely love my friends. They are talented, smart, and funny. And honestly one of my new favorite people is Rand, Todd X's boyfriend. He is hilarious and really twisted--so witty. The more time I spend with him the more I love him. We didn't think he was going to make it. So it was really an unexpected gift that he did. The pool and the hot tub were fantastic. And the drinks were awesome.
I'm going to watch TV now and try to relax--even though I already feel my shoulders tensing up a little.

Peace Out!