Adventures in the Air

I know it has been a while since I posted. But I have been kind of low energy when it comes to writing. I returned to San Francisco on Sunday, via a planned lay over in Atlanta Saturday night. Any while there is all sorts of things I could write about, probably the greatest of which would be the funeral and surrounding days, I'm not ready to write about much of it. So instead I'm going to write about the two plane trips.
(1) Saturday, Orlando to Atlanta: We were delayed by about 20 minutes leaving. The reason was that when the baggage handlers were loading the aircraft one of the heavy bags with a lock on it--not mine, my luggage was just heavy, it didn't have a lock on it--had scratched the plane. So it wasn't a major safety issue but it still had to be recorded in the plane's maintenance log--FAA rules and such. So instead of noting it in the log and then returning it to the plane it apparently had to go to the maintenance office and then returned to the plane. And of course that took a while. But I'll say it again it was only about 20 minutes. Well the story really is not about that issue it is about the woman sitting behind me. She had one of those smokers voices, you know what I"m talking about kind of raspy but not full on emphysema raspy just a little. She was also clearly a little nervous about flying and that manifested itself in constant inane talking. Here is how the conversation with I'm assuming her husband or god forbid the poor soul who was unfortunate enough to get seated by her.
Imagine the voice raspy and rednecky
"This is just ridiculous" "I cain't believe we have to wait for this" "This is takin' forever" "This is the last time I ever let such and such talk me into flying." "We coulda already drove to Atlanta by now." "This is just ridiculous" "They scraped the paint." "The pilot just said its gonna be 10 more minutes." "What did he say?" "For our next vacation I think I want to go to Savannah." BLAH, BLAH, BLAH

And the talking never, stopped. Never! Fast forward 45 minutes, a few minutes from landing and the subsequent minutes

"I am just tired of bein' on this plane." "I have been on here for too long." "I'm hungry" "I have to go to the bathroom." "Alright you landed now you got to slow down." (Apparently she thought an airplane stops like a car.) "I am just tired of bein on this plane" (Did I tell you it was a freakin 45 minute flight?)

So we land and we are waiting to deplane. (I know not at all a word. It bugs me too.) I'm sitting in my seat waiting to stand up when the aisle empties out and they don't even wait for me to stand up they just sweep past me. I stand up and walk out behind them. She is still talking and she is rubbing her arms complaining about cold she is. I didn't know it was going to be so cold here." The reason she was cold is because she had on a lavender tank top and these short purple vinyl shorts. I'm sorry but that is just trashy. T-R-A-S-H-Y!!! I wanted to hurl something heavy and sharp at her.

Sunday: Atlanta to San Francisco: Three women sitting behind me clearly on a girls trip to San Francisco. They had met up from other places at the Atlanta airport to head west. They also talked most of the flight but were a little less annoying that the trashy woman from the day before. But they were clearly fairly sheltered southerners. At one point I came back from the bathroom and one of them was asking if the other had had her baby dedicated. (This is a Baptist thing that is done when a child is an infant usually as a way of welcoming them into the family of God. They later can choose to be baptized.) And I don't remember what the answer was but what ensued was a conversation of what denominations do infant baptism. It really was spurred when one of them said "only Catholics baptize babies." To which the one of the others said "no lutherans do too." Again I kind of wanted to hurl something heavy and sharp at them. But he kicker was one of them was doing the airline crossword puzzle and I guess the clue was something about "The Odd Couple" To which one of them said "Oh it must be the play The Odd Couple by Paul Simon." Paul Simon?!? Really? When do you think he wrote that before or after he and Garfunkel broke up? Now I'll give you that I often make faux pas like that. I misspeak. But normally I know when I have done that. I think she really believes Paul Simon wrote "The Odd Couple."

I was glad to be home.