Warning I drop the f-bomb

When it rains it fucking pours!!!!
I landed in Florida yesterday. I hadn't slept well the night before and then got up at 5 AM to get the airport. Then the security line was longer than I've ever seen it at the Atlanta airport. I basically had to really scurry to get to the plane. I was one of the last people to board. I had planned to stop at the Chick-Fila for a chicken biscuit but that was not to be. I got one in the Orlando airport instead.

My mother and my sister were waiting for me. I took my mother back to work and then met my sister at my brother's house. He looks worse than my imagination would ever allow me to think. If you imagine a halloween skeleton with skin or Skeletor from what was the cartoon He-Man, that is what he looks like. Literally skin hanging off bone. When he gets up to go to the bathroom-- he hasn't eaten in over a week so why he is going to the bathroom I don't know--someone has to hold up his pants so that they won't fall down while he is walking to the bathroom. He has begun using my grandmother's walker that she used after she broke her hip last year. He sleeps most of the day, his eyelids often partially open with his eyes rolled back. Hospice brought out a hospital bed yesterday so that hopefully he might be more comfortable--as if that is even possible. The hospice nurse was out yesterday because he was in so much pain. So they up his pain medication. This means that he will be even less alert than he is now, and now he isn't very alert. The nurse said that she didn't think it would be very much longer. She also said that when it gets to the point that he can no longer walk by himself, probably by Thursday, then they should get him a bed at the hospice facility. This is something that my brother doesn't want, but the nurse thinks it will better for the kids if they don't have to see their father like that.

My sister-in-law went to a funeral home yesterday to make arrangement for his funeral and burial. No 35 year should have to do that. The cost is approximately $14000. What a racket?!?

At one point yesterday, I had gone over to my parents house next door and was headed back to my brother's house, but I had to sit down on my Dad's boat trailer to sob for a little while. My Dad came out of the house and asked me if I was alright to which I responded "no." I am not alright. No one is alright. This is harder than I ever thought it would be. I want it to just be over and I don't want him to die. It is a paradox.

Finally we were eating dinner on the back porch last night and my mother had my niece in her lap. The porch was just recently finished and it doesn't have a railing. Well my mother slid her chair back and she and my niece fell off the porch. So at 1 am my Dad took her to the emergency room because her should was still hurting. Turns out she broke her shoulder in two places and will need to see a specialist about possibly putting in a plate so that it will heal properly. Oh, and I get hear yesterday to learn my mother and my dad have gotten themselves into some credit trouble. Apparently they have been buying groceries for themselves and my brother's family. But she has always spent more with credit cards than she should have. So on top of everything else my dad gave his boat to the bank yesterday to sell and to pay off the loan on the boat. Now in reality my Dad doesn't need the size boat he had. However, for him to have to lose one more thing, to have to see his boat towed off by the bank, makes things even worse. Had I known they were in trouble I could have paid the $198/mo for him to keep the damn boat just a little bit longer.

So that is it. I have to stop now because I have to go pick up my mother and then take my sister-in-laws car to the shop.