My brother got a pet scan result showing that the tumors that had been stable have begun to spread again. His doctor suggested that he call in hospice but also had one more option which my brother has opted for. He will receive a treatment every three weeks for the next nine weeks. At that point they will reassess and if it the tumors are shrinking they will continue the treatment. If it is not then they will stop treatment--essentially this is his last option.
At this point I'm just feeling like this is really inconvenient. I was beginning to feel like my sabbatical plans were getting sorted out and then this big, big unknown. Now here is the thing I know that death is just inconvenient. It just is. And it just will be. I also realize that I can't just cancel all my plans because he could live a day or a year. No one knows. It is just really hard to be in such limbo.
I don't really know what I'm thinking. I feel like I've been preparing myself for this but at the same time I'm not at all prepared to deal with this. And I know that I just will not know what to do because I've never been through this before. So my hope is to just try and feel it and trust that I'll know what to do when I need to act. THIS SUCKS!!!!!!!!!
Tomorrow I'm going to write about an escalator experience--but today is not the day.
5 comments:
There aren't really any good words to say to that, except that you're right about it all. And that you are loved, and prayed for, and thought about.
I echo cagey-c's comment. My heart is crying for you and your family. None of this is fair and all of it hurts.
If, for whatever reason, you have to make an extra stop in FL, know I'll be willing to let you cry or scream or hold your hand while you sit in silence. I'm doing the same virtually right now, but when and if the "in person" time comes, I'm here.
Oh, friend. (This is where I give you a huge hug and we both cry together.) Oh, friend.
I expect you to call or write if there's anything any of us can do.
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