Pants

Today's blog is a video blog. You'll understand why it had to be a video blog when you watch it.

Enjoy

La Taqueria

Well I don't really know what to write about today. I had lunch at my favorite taqueria, La Taqueria. Yes that is the name, I know not all that original. My friends Todd and Sara were in town today. I'll see Todd again this weekend, but Sara will be going home Thursday morning. La Taqueria is so good!!! But I only go when I have visitors, because it is a little pricier than my normal taqueria, meaning my lunch cost me $5 instead of $4. And it is a little fattier than my normal taqueria. Then I dropped them off at a MUNI train and I headed off to get a hair cut. Although, not much of a haircut because I'm growing my hair out. I don't know how long I'll let it get but long. We'll see what it looks like. My friend Clark has let me know that he'll inform me when it is time to cut it. And I believe he will do that.
Then I exchanged some jeans at The Gap that were too long. And then tonight I'm headed off for dinner to celebrate my friend Robin's birthday.
Tomorrow I'll be kind of busy because I'll be getting ready for my young clergy gathering that begins on Thursday up in Occidental which is on the Russian River. This is a group of people who began gathering in North Carolina about 3 years ago. It was part of a lilly funded program for young clergy serving their first parish. This will be our first time seeing one another in abotu 15 months. I'm so excited to see them. There are 19 of us but only 18 are able to make it. Yay!!!

Maybe tomorrow I'll have more to write about.

Over and out!

Free nickel

I got a nickel in the mail today. It is a real nickel, not a fake paper nickel. It was sent in a fundraiser letter from UNICEF. It was all about how a nickel could do a lot. And the idea is that it would stay attached to the request that was to be returned with an agreement to a nickel a day for a year or such and such. But I'm not going to contribute to UNICEF. Now I'm not opposed to contributing to UNICEF. I think it is a great organization that does a lot of good work. I'm just not going to contribute to them. But I also was not going to just throw away a nickel either. But what do I do with the nickel? I have a similar ethical dilemma when I receive those address labels but even more so when it is a nickel. I thought maybe I would give it to a homeless person, but I couldn't just give a homeless person a nickel. I would want to at least give a quarter. But I don't normally just give homeless people on the street any money. I did give a man a dollar yesterday. But he was selling Street Sheets, papers homeless people sell for a dollar. Now in the end I didn't get my Street Sheet because I was going in to see a movie and I didn't want to have to hold it. So I told him I would pick it up after the movie and then I forgot. So I don't know what to do. I'll probably just feed it to a parking meter and get over my ethical dilemma. But here is my other question, how much is this mailing costing UNICEF? And will they recover what they spent? Has the nickel become the new penny? Will we now be seeing nickels just lying unwanted on the street?

The other thing on my list to talk about today is this. I saw another movie today. I saw Death at a Funeral. Oh my God was it funny. Hilarious!!!! British film. If it comes to a theater near you, go see it. I laughed so hard I nearly peed my pants. It started a little slow but once it got started it was non-stop laughs.

Finally, right now I'm watching Everybody Hates Chris. It is a show on CW narrated and developed by Chris Rock. I don't normally watch it even though I think it is really funny. Normally it comes on opposite something else I watch. But its the summer so I'm watching it. And get this Willis, AKA Todd Bridges, from Different Strokes is on this episode and you are not going to believe this but also on it is Roger from that show with Rerun. I can't remember the name of it. Roger and his sister lived with their really overweight mother. Rogers friend was a really overweight Rerun. And they hung out at a diner that had a waitress named I think Shirley who also was really overweight. Roger on the other hand was really thin. Anyway he is on this episode of Everybody Hates Chris. Can you believe it? I'm not even sure I thought he was still alive. Go figure!

Alright, until next time. What you talkin bout Willis?

Porn and the mayor of Smell-town

I did my one days work. I arrived in San Francisco last night at 5:30 and drove right to Hayward, about an hour away. There I had dinner with some parisioners for our annual cookout. And we also contineud to talk about our congregation's future. Now the congregation's future is really the least important part of this story. This house is crazy. The couple who own and live in the house collect a lot of stuff. I mean a lot of stuff and the house feels a lot like my parents house, cluttered, cluttered, cluttered. But here is the thing. We ate inside, which already was making me uncomfortable, because at least outside I dont' have to look at the clutter and to be honest the dirt. But here it the thing. You are not going to believe this. Not five feet away from the dining room table was a huge stack of porn. (Magazines) And on the very top was a picture of a naked man with an erect penis. I am not making this up. Now here is the thing, I don't really have a problem with porn. I'm talking mostly about gay porn. Straight porn is pretty exploitive and gay porn can be too. But gay porn I look at, I like. And I'm really not ashamed of that. However, I'm not gonna just leave it lying around. And in some ways I thing kudos for not feeling you have to hide anything. But come on!! Crazy!!!!

Then today I worked worship. It was fine, but now I'm officially back on vacation. This afternoon I saw a movie with some friends. Stardust. It was great. Such a great fairy tale. Felt a lot like The Princess Bride. There was, however, this smell that kept wafting through the theatre. It was nasty! N-A-S-T-Y!!! And it didn't just stay. It kept coming and going so my nose never had a chance to adjust to the smell. I think it had to be a person, but I wonder how does one not know that they smell that bad. I just don't get it. But go see Stardust you probably wont have Smelly McSmellerson sitting next to you.

I have three or four days here in town and then I head up to teh Russian River again on Thursday through Tuesday for a retreat with my young clergy group. Yay!! I'm really excited.

Until tomorrow folks. For the love of God bathe!

Airport Chik-Fila and geography: Amended

This isn't going to be a long post. I know it has been a while since I last posted, but I haven't had time or really access enough to blog while I've been on vacation. I'll write a longer blog later on to talk all about my travels. Currently I'm at the Atlanta aiport. My plane leaves in 2 hours. I've had my chik fila sandwich and sweet tea. I do this every time I travel through the Atlanta airport. If you have never had a chik fila sandwich I am very sorry. They are delicious. I'm convinced they are soaked in crack before they are fried. There is only one in the whole airport and that is A terminal. They are all over the east coast and the midwest but not really in California. So it is always a great treat when I'm here. Even when I am not at the A terminal, as was the case today, I still try and stop by the CF if I have time.

Today I came from Knoxville on a very short flight. On that flight there was a Southern Baptist preacher on the row behind me talking to a man from Swizterland. I'm fairly certain he was trying to convert him but even if not conversion, he was trying to convince him how there wasn't necessarily only one true denomination but there was one true religion and the Muslims were worship a false God. Nice, eh? Then right next to me was the loudest woman ever!!!!!! And she talked the entire flight. And who did she talk to but the man from Switzerland and the Southern Baptist Preacher. Yes she physically turned around in her seat. It all started with a conversation about chocolate. This woman apparently loves chocolate and her dogs love chocolate. (I know dogs should not be eating chocolate.) Anyway she doesn't have children so her dogs and cats are her children. She has a pet door and a large back yard for them to wonder around in. She also asked the man from Switzterland why he was so dark complected. She though all people from Switzerland had blond hair and blue eyes. Yes he did correct her to point out that she was thinking of people from Sweden not Switzerland. She also believes kids should have more time in school to socialize. Apparently that is what this woman was doing in school--socializing--when they covered geography. If she had been on my long flight I might have hurled myself out of the plane or hurled her out the plane. Oh that reminds me of something else. Last night we watched a movie and then when it was over we watched the end of the Miss TeenUSA pageant. It was appalling. We all agreed but it is sort of like a car wreck, you just can't look away. Well anyway all we really saw was the final question. The first girl up was asked a question that started with the premise that many kids cannot even find the USA on a map of the world and then asked why she thinks that is and what would she do to correct this. She said, and I am not making this up, "Well so many kids just don't have maps." I don't know really what she said after this because I was laughing too hard to hear anything. I know somehow it evolved to we need to help kids in South Africa. Tears were pouring down my face. And here is the thing, this was the final five, and she was number five. She was number four. That means someone in the final five did worse than she did.

Alright that is it. I'm going to call my friend Chris, also something that has become a bit of a tradition when I'm at the ATL airport. And it is my grandmother's birthday today. So I'll be calling her as well. Shout out to Adell!!!

Alright until I have more time, I'm off to the friendly and noisy skies.

Vacation's all I ever wanted...

I am so on vacation! Woohoo. I finished up the bulletin for this Sunday. And tomorrow I'm headed up to the Russian River for the weekend with some friends. Then Monday I'm off to Tennessee for time with my friends Tracy and Dave and their sons, Noah and Wesley. I'm really excited. Last year we went to Rock City. You may have seen its advertisements on the side of barns, "Come See Rock City." Well I saw Rock City last year so I don't expect we'll be seeing it again. But who knows what we'll do. Perhaps nothing, perhaps we'll just sit around and play with the two delightful kids. I know for one thing it will be hot! I don't know how I'll handle it. I know, I know I grew up in Florida and lived in Atlanta. But I have been in San Francisco for 4 years and my body is no longer use to such heat.
I visited my 102 year old parisioner today. She didn't really know who I was but that is okay, I got to see her son as well, so I get credit for the visit. Honestly I know this is terrible but when i just see her I feel a little like it has been a wasted visit because she won't remember me being there. Now I know it is not really wasted because it does her good to have a visitor. I think she really does appreciate me being there when I'm there. It is kind of crazy though. Her son is her primary caregiver. He lives up stairs with his wife Helen. Denny and Helen celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary. And he is his mother's primary caregiver. And his wife's primary caregiver--she suffers from severe dementia. She definately never knows who I am. I've met her many times and every time she introduces herself to me and tells me about her priest who apparently is the epitome of the priesthood, the perfect priest. So the conversations with the two of them, Ida and Helen, is always a hoot.
Alright, well that is all the time I have to blog for today. I'm going to see Margaret Cho tonight. It was a completely last minute thing. My friend Karen has an extra ticket. Yay. I don't know when I'll blog again. This weekend I'll be away from the computer. Although I might take the computer with me and blog whiile I'm away if there is internet access. That way it will be like we are on a little field trip together. Otherwise it will probably be sometime next week before I blog again. Just keep checking back.

Happy Trails.

Ice Cream and nicknames

If I walk down to the ice cream shop does that cancel out the calories in the ice cream? I'm guessing the answer is no, but just thought I'd ask. That is what I did this afternoon. My friend Laine and her son Linden came over this afternoon and we walked down to Mitchel's Ice Cream. The greatest ice cream shop in the city. You have to take a number when you get there. Today we were number 33 and they were on number 18 when we got there. I had chocolate caramel crackle and Laine and Linden had buko which means baby coconut in some language, I think tagolog. Linden is 22 months old, so he shared with his mom. It was a great little outing. Linden is at the age where he is intrigued by everything. So the walk took a long time but it was fantastic. And the ice cream was goo-ood.

I also made two visits today. One was to a 94 year old woman. The other one is 102 years old. She was asleep so I didn't to see her. But she wouldn't really remember if I was there or not so seeing her care giver was almost as good as a visit. She hasn't been in worship in a while, but when she was coming a year or so ago, a mere 101 years old, she couldn't hear a thing. We had a period of silence once and during the middle of the silence, she yells out, even though to her she was whispering, "is he asleep?" (Talking about me.) Then at one point she again yelled out "I guess I'm going to have to get up and preach." When I first started at the church I nicknamed her my-first-funeral. She was after all 99. But now I'm not so sure. I'm in my fifth year of minsitry and I still haven't done a funeral. Now let's be clear I'm not that anxious to do one, but I think it is pretty odd that I haven't.

Other nicknames for parisioners: guy who does drugs, guy who hugs too long, crazy woman who steals things, the needy Korean, and the Red Herring. Two things: first I know it might be a little racist to call the guy the needy Korean. But he was needy and he was Korean. Second. The Red Herring gave himself that nickname. The first time I met him he introduced himself as the Red Herring. And told me he was a poet. Most of the other nicknames are fairly self explanitory. I may have already written about these nicknames. Sorry if I'm already starting to repeat myself.

Dixie out!

Cash Cab

Alright folks. I'm really sorry for the choppy nature of today's video blog. I kept hitting the mousepad which would stop the recording. So it's just going to stop several times. Oh well. It is still something interesting. And by interesting I really mean about absolutely nothing. But here it is. Enjoy!

One more thing: Spiders

I talked to a friend tonight in Georgia who has a spider infestation, brown recluses and black widows. Her exterminator said he couldn't anything. She thinks they are coming up out of the basement. They are coming in through the outlets. Anyone have any thoughts that would help her out?

Spiders, yuck!!!

Down time.

Hollaaaa! It is Sunday night. That means I have begun my day off. Yay! And that also means that I only have a few more days and then I'm on vacation. Ahh Yeah! I leave on Friday for a week away. Then I'll return on Saturday, August 25. I'll work on Saturday night the 25th and Sunday the 26th and then I'm off for the next week through Labor Day weekend. I'm working the 25th and 26th because it worked out logistically for me to be away next weekend adn so instead of being away for 3 Sundays in a row I'm going to show up for the middle weekend of my vacation. But it is a combined service with the Methodist church and I'm not preaching or plannign the service. So all I have to do is show up. Seriously I can hardly wait.

Today was also a combined service between my congregation and the Methodist church. It was their graduation recognition Sunday. Then I also did a meditation on lectio divina and we practiced the prayer. (Lectio Divina is a prayer in which using the Bible or some other sacred text or text, but primarily the Bible the person is invited to listen for God speaking through the text.) A mother of one of the graduates picked the special music for the day. The graduated directed the choir and then sang this really old song with two friends of his. I planned the service and I had to work really hard to keep the service from just becoming all about this kid. The songs she had the choir sing were 100 years--that Ben Folds Five, Rob Thomasesque song ...la,la,la it's 15 years to the moment la,la,la. Don't really know all the words so I don't know how it really fits. Then the other song the choir sang was Bring Him Home. It is from Les Miserable. Jean Val Jean is singing a prayer to God to brign Marcus home from war without him dying. This kid is leaving home for college not going to war. But all in all despite the songs I felt pretty good about the service. I wrote some of the prayers and I was really proud of what I wrote. I also was reminded of how much I really like to write for worship. I don't it nearly as much as I would like to. I get in the habit of just chosing something out of a resource when in reality I have a ton of time. I hope I will remember this more often.

Alright, that's it. I'm sorry for all of you who have to work on Mondays. But then you all get two days off during the weekend.

Peace out!

Are men who wear kilts but aren't Scottish weird?

I don't really have much to write today. I got up this morning and took a yoga class. Then I met a friend to go to what I thought was a play about the seperation of church and state, but it wasn't. Instead it was a forum being sponsored by a local theatre to have conversation about the seperation of church and state for the benefit of a playwright who is writing a play on the topic. Then my friend and I had a little snack and then I'm back home to work a little, a very little, then off to play poker with my some friends at my friend Lee's house. (Lee's parents are visiting so this will also be an opportunity to meet them.)

At the forum today there was a man in a kilt. He was not Scottish. Now this is not particularly uncommon in San Francisco. But he actually made some comment during the forum about men who wore kilts. Apparently he read some blog that said that all men who wore kilts were gay. Now here is the thing(s) (1) he pointed out the absurdity of this statement but (2) his comment about the blog and the men who wore kilts just didn't make any sense as to how it connected with the conversation at hand. He also talked way too much--clearly liked hearing the sound of his own voice. I was one of the youngest people in the room. There was an atheist who was probably in her fifties and then everyone else was at least over 60, many over 70. The atheist I mention because she clearly wanted us to know that she was an atheist. And that she really wanted there to be an atheist in this play that the person was writing. She also seemed to want to engage us in a conversation about how flawed a belief in God or the Bible was. No one really engaged her, thank goodness. I've never really met an evangelical atheist, but I think she might have been one.

I also had a conversation with my friend afterwards about the place of witnesses at national religious gatherings to the inclusion of lgbt folks. I'm not sure tha tis really something that I want to be a part of. I don't really see a reason for it. My thought is if you don't want me at the table I'm not interested in trying to convince you to let me. Or to convince you of how much you shouldn't be afraid of me. I have all the welcome I need, I dont' have to ask someone for it. His response was that was a pretty advanced state of thought and tha tfor many people who feel isolated and hurt by the church they really do need to see public witness of welcome and solidarity. i don't know. I do know though I am really not at all passionate about singing outside of national gatherings or holding banners, etc. I wonder if that is (a) internalized homophobia, some shame or embarrasment about who I am or (3) just general laziness. Don't know but worth pondering.

Alright, I'm heading out for a little poker. I'm all in.

Turkey meatloaf, regurgitated lettuce, and urine in a jar

Alright, I know I didn't post yesterday and I know it is a late post today. I'm sorry. I had a very busy day yesterday. I worked in the morning and then I had the gays over last night and I had to cook for them. (The gays is what I call my group of gay friends. Until I moved to SF I had never had a group of gay friends. I had friends who were gay but not a whole group made up of solely gay men.) I spent all afternoon shopping and then cooking for them. i baked a chocolate brownie pie. It was delicious. Although, it overflowed in the oven so instead of the smell of a tasy baked dish I instead had the smell of burnt chocolate. But the pie was tasty! Then I made a delicious turkey meatloaf, garlic mashed potatoes, and balsamic glazed green beans. It was delcious. Then by the time everyone left and I cleaned up it was midnight and way too late to blog.

Then today I also had a busy day. I had to finish up the bulletin and then I went and helped my friends Blythe and Craig finish up getting out of their house and moving into a new house. They live up in Petaluma which is really only about 40 miles north of the city. But today it took me almost 2 hours to get there. The traffic was terrible which was odd since I left the house at 2:30. Now normally traffic shouldn't be that bad here that early, but today it was. I had a great time with Blythe and Craig and their oh so cute son, Elan. Before dinner I got to read to Elan. Well read is a relaitve term. I really mostly opened books for Elan and then he would go get another book. Then over dinner he gave me his chewed up lettuce. I'm telling you cute, cute, cute! And so I just got home about 10:00. So you see it has been a busy few days.

But has been great. I love being with and connecting with my friends. (I also talked to an old college friend, Aimee, for about an hour today. It had been a while since we caught up. That was really wonderful.) I am such a relationship person. I completely get energy from being with the people I love the most. It's not that I get my identity from being with other people. i can be alone and feel satisfied as well. But I really love being with all of you. (Well probably not those of you who are just reading this blog but I don't really know you. Although, I could get to know you and then I would love being with you too.)

Anyway, I'll leave you with two things, neither of which are my stories but they are funny. First, my friend Mary Sue called me today to tell me about a drive thru kind of taqueria in San Diego that advertised that it was open 21 hours a day. 21 hours? Why 21? And what are the three hours that they are closed? Is that their marketing plan? Sure anyone can be open 24 hours a day but not just anyone can be open 21 hours a day. Funny. Second, we were talking tonight about traveling in the car as kids and I was reminded of a story someone told me recently. (I can't remember for the life of me who told me this story so if it was you let me know.) Anyway this person was on a vacation with his family, his parents and a brother. They hadn't been gone from the house long and he had to go to the bathroom. He makes this known but his dad brushes him off with the "you don't have to go to the bathroom we just left the house not long ago." But he persisted and his dad not wanting to stop passed a smallish jar back to him and instructed his brother to hold while he peed in it. Well he takes a look at this jar and say that it won't be big enough but his dad assures him that it will and says "now just use it." So he begins and it is filling up and he is still going. And his brothers eyes are getting bigger. And then as you now expect it began overflowing. And now here is the best part his brother just continued to hold the jar right there with it overflowing. Now there is someone committed to a job. I love that story. I think it is hilarious. I hope you enjoyed it too.

Later skaters.

A monument full of water

Located on the national mall, what Washington DC landmark holds almost 7 million gallons of water and gets one thorough cleaning a year? That was the question with probably the funniest answer on the Cash Cab tonight. The woman answered "The Washington Monument." The Washington Monument? 7 million gallons of water in the Washington Monument? I am still laughing. On the first episode tonight saw a couple miss the first three questions, the easiest questions. The answers were the No Call List, (something else I can't remember now but equally easy) , and an exit poll. They were put out on the street after 3 questions, they had only gone about 3 blocks. But seriously I am still laughing at trying to fill the Washington Monument with 7 million gallons of water. I love the Cash Cab. I so want to go to New York City and just ride cabs until I get picked up for the Cash Cab. (For those of you who don't know. The Cash Cab is one of the best shows on television. It is a trivia game show that takes place in a New York City cab. You answer questions on the way to your destination. If you get three wrong he puts you out on the street whereever you are. I love it!!!)

I know that I watch too much television. I come by it naturally. If the television was not on when my Dad came home from work he turned it on. Even if he was just passing through the living room. And the television stayed on until the last person went to bed. We ate dinner in front of the television. When we were young I remember my Dad trading in a set of mattresses for a television set. Now I don't know if that memory is all that accurate. Because I think, what did they sleep on? But I wouldn't be surprised if it is true because my Dad was always trading something. Usually it was a car but he traded other things as well.

Alright that is enough of my personal ramblings for the day.

Sweet Dreams

Today's blog entry is all about dreams. I had a dream two nights ago where I was missing one of my legs from the knee down. I didn't have any sort of prosthetic leg I was just hopping around using crutches. But at some point I needed to get down a flight of stairs but someone was standing in my way. So I had to let go of the crutches and hop down the stairs. I don't have any idea what this means. Any thoughts?

A friend of mine told me about a dream he had about me last night. We were moving into some sort of duplex or house and he was hanging out in my side of the house. I was wearing a bathrobe. And the next thing he knew he was throwing raw chicken breasts at me. What? Why, chicken breasts? And why couldn't they have been fried? Cause you know I love some fried chicken.

Our minds do crazy things when they sleep. A few weeks ago I had a not-really-sex-but-somewhat-hot dream about a friend of mine a few weeks ago. But it wasn't our bodies instead it was just our heads on the bodies. And seriously the bodies were fantastic. In my dreams I am ripped. Now I know exactly how our heads ended up on the bodies. He and I were going to a concert the next night and I had to call him to make arrangements. That was one of my last thoughts before I fell asleep.

So there you go.

Sleep tight.

Is that popcorn in your pants?

Well another day off has come and gone. It was a nice day. I saw "Becoming Jane" today. It is a movie starring Anne Hatheway as a young Jane Austen. I love Jane Austen. I love a period piece. And this was no dissappointment. I really enjoyed it. Here is my question, before I went in I stopped at the little convenience store downstairs and bought a bag of peanut butter m&ms and a bottle of water. (Peanut butter is my m&m of choice, but I also enjoy the peanut.) Now I know that technically I'm not supposed to bring in snacks from outside. But snacks are so expensive inside the theater and the cost of admission is pretty pricey already. Should I feel guilty? Am I causing someone to lose work or their job because I'm not supporting the theater snack bar? I'm probably going to do it again regardless of your answer.
Have you ever done it? What is the craziest thing you have ever taken in? When I lived in Fort Lauderdale I went to see a musical once, a real life honest to goodness stage show not a movie. During admission this woman whips out a piece of chicken. A piece of chicken!!! Oh and what is the craziest way you have smuggled it in. I stuffed a soda in a jacket pocket once. But at least I wasn't like Kramer from Seinfeld who spilled hot coffee in his lap when he was trying smuggle it in his pants.
Let's go out to the movies. Let's go out to the movies. Let's go out to the movies and have ourselves a snack.

Where have all the people gone?

I had four people in worship today. Four!!! I was one of them. It was just weird. We still did the whole service but it was so odd. I did, however, forego the official welcome. Since I had already welcomed each one of them individually. Basically we set up our circle of chairs for 24 and then we, the same people who set up those 24 chairs, sat down in our usual locations. That mean that there were three of us on one side and one on the complete opposite side of the circle. Now it's really odd, but also it is really frustrating. I want to respect the people who did show up and who do show up week after week. But in reality I just wanted to go back home. I wanted to get back my last night when I could have stayed out with my friends but instead I came home so I could go to sleep and get up this morning to go to work. I know the number of folks who show up shouldn't matter, but it does. It does!!!

On the up note. I said above that i went out with friends last night. Well we saw The Bourne Ultimatum. It is good. Full on action packed fun. However, even though we arrived about 25 minutes early the theater was already packed. So we had to sit on the second row. Well this movie does a lot of close-ups. So where I was sitting there heads were giant. Pores big enough to swim in. A mole as big as my head. And its a good thing I have a massage scheduled for this week because my neck was killing me by the end of the movie.

So that's it for me. I did a yoga class yesterday that was an hour and a half long. That is a long time. But it was just what I needed.

Peace out!

Ranting

So here is the thing. Pastors are people too. Now to most of you this will come as no surprise. It certainly comes as no surprise to me. But today that was really evident. I had not one, not two, but three conversations with pastors that are so ungrounded. Three!!! Three pastors who live in chaos. Create drama when there is none. And can't seem to breathe long enough to recognize where they have ended up. Seriously, I was so exhausted by 1:00 I just had to come home.

Now here is the thing, I don't profess to be the epitome of centeredness. I recognize that there are times in my life, everyday, that I am far from grounded. But what I don't think I do is live in a constant state of crisis. But the three people I spoke with today I don't know that they know what it is like not to live in crisis. Not because they are prone to anymore crisis like events than the next person. But instead everything is a crisis. And I think in many instances they look for it. They can't operate unless they are at security level orange at least. And they can't help but think anything that is done is intended to be a personal affront.
I mean I'm trying not to judge nor set myself up as some ideal. But come on people!!! (1) Grow up everything is not all about you. (2) Breathe, breathe, breathe! The world probably is not as difficult as you are making it. Difficult yes, but not nearly as difficult as you think it is.

Richard Rohr in his book Everything Belongs talks about not trying to push the river. I think many folks live there whole lives trying to push the river. Instead of flowing with it.

That's my rant for today. Don't try to push the river.

Too Lazy to Type

Gilead

I wish I had something interesting to blog about today. I thought of something while I was in the car today but for the life of me cannot remember what it was. You say well why didn't you write it down. Well I was driving silly. I couldn't write it down.

I'm rereading the book Gilead by Marilyn Robinson. It was published a few years ago. It won the pulitzer prize for fiction. It is so beautiful. The language is really wonderful. It is a great story written from the voice of an aging congregational clergy person. He is writing a letter to his son. Late in life he married and then had a child. Now at 76 or so he has learned that he doesn't have long to live. The child in only 7 now so isn't all that interested in knowing his father's story now but the narrator knows that one day he will want to know and he wants his son to know who he was. It is a great story about redemption. It is just beautiful. But what I'm finding now, reading it this time, is that the words are much more poignant than they were the first time I read the book. The story of a father knowing that he will not see his son grow up and the great sadness that comes with that feels all too familiar. Every word feels so laced with grief, even the stories of hope. So this time around I'm not as able to read it as quickly. I hope that even if my brother isn't able to leave the same sort of story for his children that should he die I am able to tell his children who he was. Although, to be honest I'm not always sure I really know who he is.

But the thing I realized today while I was meeting with my spiritual director is that I want people to know who I am. So that there will be no question at the end of my life. I think this blog is part of the way I'm doing that. I think it is interesting and somewhat sad that people can go their entire lives without being fully known. I think my life has been somewhat guarded up to this. I don't think guarded is the right word I think instead the word is hidden. No that isn't right either, instead I think I've been asleep. And now I feel like I've woken up and I want to experience every moment. That is what I've been trying to get to in this blog. I want to feel each moment and some of those moments will hurt like hell. And I want the people I love the most to know what I'm feeling. Not just the parts that are easiest to stomach, not just the easy parts but the hard parts too. There is this great Dave Wilcox song called The Hard Part. You should check it out. It is a great song about this very thing.

Alright enough for today.

Feeling this moment.